DIVIDE MEADOW  20X24/8X10  1996

A divide is a split, a rift, a halfway point. It has a before and after. This meadow, trail and further camp became benchmarks in my life. The bucolic view masks an internal struggle with self acceptance and personal growth. Freaking out in 1978, I hitchhiked to Point Reyes with a bag of M&Ms, a Ziploc of hash, my camera and a hammock. With no gear and wearing cowboy boots, I stopped at this beautiful spot to vomit and cry. From the far tree line emerged two white deer, a good omen for sure. My boots carried me on to Wildcat Camp – 13.5 miles from the trailhead from which I started. 

I ran from that experience in San Francisco until 1996, when I revisited this spot and trail. I wrote the word “gay” in my journal for the first time without tearing the page out. I was determined to stop hiding from myself. This was not an "outing" but a self-realization.

 The painting is a rapid execution because I still had seven miles to go. I see joy, relief and resolve in the brush marks. The sky shows promise and excitement.

Write a comment

Comments: 0